Here I just want to share my deepest thoughts and insights with with those who follow the same journey of living out theri faith as I do.

Finding My New Normal -- Living With Chronic Illness:

Prayer For A Better Tomorrow:

Lord God, Abba-Father, Lord Jesus; Thank You for bringing this far.  Thank You for giving me this day.  Please bless me and keep me covered as I journey into tomorrow.  I know that as my be failing, each day is a precious gift and You will always be with me each step of the way.  I know that only You know the number of my days, and I pray for a thousand tomorrow's.  Please strengthen my faith each day and guide me in every moment.  Help me to always rely on Your protection and Your love -- especially for all the tomorrow's that I might have.  I pray this prayer in the Mighty and Powerful Name of Jesus Christ.  Amen!

I was diagnosed with Chronic COPD five years ago in 2019, after surviving pneumonia.  I don't even smoke, but got it from second ahnd smoke, from housemates and neighbors, and from the smoke from the wild fires in the High Country here in Colorado.  As these past few years have gone by, each day, each week, each month has become more and more challenging, but I have never stopped doing the things that I love to do.  I praise God for every day that I can go up into the Rocky Mountains here in Colorado, and go High Altitude Trail Hiking, go cycling, fishing, camping, or just exploring, and going to the gym, and going to social events.  There are days when taking a little walk makes it really hard to breathe normally, but I know that God gives me the breath that I breathe every day.  I do my breathing therapy every day, praying that the chronic coughing will stop, but it never stops completely, only enough to go and do some of the things that I love doing.  Each Day I Pray a Prayer Like This to Wake Up and Make It Through Another Tomorrow:

Abba-Father God, I humbly come before You and pray for a better tomorrow, just one more day to walk the path that You ahve given to me.  With all the chaos and disorder in this world, I know that it can be easy to forget that You are in Control.  I know that You are in control of my life, Lord and I know that You wouldn't let me go through anything that I could not handle.  Father God, You have covered me this far and You have helped me to over come many problems with my health You have helped me to endure stress and worry. 

I am praying right-now because I am unsure of tomorrow Lord.  Help me to continue to believe that tomorrow will be a better day, and that the next 1,000 tomorrow's will come by Your Grace and Love.  Help me to rise each day with a positive hope.  Let me see each situation with this chrnic health condition with eternal eyes.  I ask that You would pour into my heart, Lord, a New Normal, so that I can be strongand face each day with a bright and joy filled attitude and the courage to look forward to another tomorrow.  Lord Jesus, I know that I am here today because of Your Grace and Mercy.  I believe that I will get through tomorrow because Your Grace and Mercy are Everlasting.  If I start to get discouraged about any tomorrow, then help me to keep my mind and heart focused on Your Love.  Lord Jesus, I know that in Your Love I will always find comfort.  In Your Love, I have Perfect Hope!

Abba-Father God, I pray that, if it is Your Will, please grant me A Thousand Tomorrow's.  I Thank You and Praise You Lord for Hearing my Prayer, in Jesus' Mighty Name I pray, Amen.

Yesterday, January 14, 2024; I was watching a Mini series, called "A Thousand Tomorrow's", about a Barrel racer who was living day-to-day with Cystic Fibrosis, and a Bull Roder who became her boyfriend and husband.  And it got me thinking about all the tomorrows that God has given me as I battle living with something that most people take for granted, if they will be able to take in another breath and live to see just one more tomorrow.

So far, because of God's Grace, I have been given four and half years of new tomorrow's, and I know that my COPD is not Curable, and is Progressive, it will eventually get worse, but I thank God every day, every week, for giving me more time to live, love, laugh, and enjoy the things that I love doing in life.  So, after watching 'A Thousand Tomorrow's" I sat down and wrote this poem, to my best friend and loved ones.

If Tomorrow Never Comes Again: [A Letter To A Close Friend or A Loved One]

If you knew that I would have no more tomorrow's to live and laugh, and lay down to sleep and wake again; 

Would you tuck me in tightly for the night, and pray the Lord my soul to keep?

If you knew that it would be the last time that you would see me walk through the door, 

Would you give me a hug and a kiss and then call me back for one more?

If you knew that this would be the last day that you would hear my voice or see me laughing, or hear my voice lifted up in praise to God for His healing touch, to give me one more day,

Would you video tape each action, reaction, smile, and word, so that you could play them back day after day?

If I knew that this would be the last day that I could spare and extra moment or two, or even an hour or two, to stop and tell you how much "I Love You" and how much you mean to me, instead of assuming that you know that I do, 

I would just hold you in my arms until my time is done.

If I knew that it would be the last time I would be there to share your day with you, 

Well, I am sure that you will have many more, I would spend it doing whatever you wanted to do, and not just let the day slip away.

Because, knowing that tomorrow might never come again, 

I wont have the time to make up for an oversight,  and we may not get a secong chance to make everything right.

Each New Day, that God has given me, I always hope that there will always be another day to say our "I Love You's"  and ask if there is anything I can do for you!

But just in case I might be wrong in my hope for 1,000 Tomorrow's and today is all I get,

I'd like to say how much I love you, and hope that you never forget our time together here on this earth.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young and old alike, and today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight and say that everything will be alright.

So if you're living with a Chronic or Terminal Illness, or have someone in your life that lives each day hoping for just one more tomorrow, or hoping for 1,000 tomorrow's.

Why Not Live Today Like It's Going To Be Your Last?

And if another tomorrow comes, then listen to you heart and do whatever God will give you the stength to do.

For if tomorrow nwver comes again, you'll surely regret the day that you didn't take the extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss, or you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their last wish.

So, I leave you with this last bit of advice,

Hold your loved ones close today, whisper in their ear and tell them how much you love them, and that you will always holf them dear.

Take the time to say "I'm Sorry" -- "Please Forgive Me" "Thank You" -- "Is There Anything I Can Do For You?"

or Just to Say -- "It's Okay."

And if Tomorrow Never Comes, You Will Have No Regrets About Today -- If You're Just There!

Russell "Little-Hawk" Oliver      

Sometimes I Just Want To Get Away From Everyone and Everything:

I just want to pack up everything, find a Mountain Cabin to stay in for one to three months. 

This morning one of our Teaching Pastor's taught on "Praying With Open Hands, and Uncleanching Our Hands to release areas of our life that has had a grip on us, and that have beeen blocking the blessings that God has for us to live the life that he design us for.

I came home and wrote this prayer and then prayed this prayer:

Abba-Father God, (Papa); Today I am so full of wishes, full of desires, full of expectations, and full of anger, all at the same time.  There are so many thing going on in my mind, that I never thought would be happening to me and I don't know why.  I am so afraid to open my clenched fists and let loose the grip of who I think that I am.  Who will I be when I have nothing left to hold on to?  My fists are clenched so tight because of the anger that I feel about how I am being treated for asking for help, that I don't know how to let go of that anger fully and let You calm my heart and mind. 

Help me to open my hands, so that I can discover that  I am not the person that the enemy says that I am, I am not what I used to do, I am not what I have or don't have, but I am what and who You say that I am, and I am worthy of what You want to me.  And what You want to give me is love, that is unconditional, and ever-lasting.  And You want me to live each day in Your Love and Joy, and in Your Peace.  Help me to let go of what has taken control over my peace and joy.  Help me to let go of what has taken control over my peace and joy.

Lord Jesus, if You will heal me of all this anger and hurt, and betrayal that has been eating me up inside for so long, and bless me with the Blessings that the Father has been waiting to pour out into my life, then I will go wherever You want me to go and You do whatever You want with my life for my remaining years.

In Jesus' Name I Pray, Amen.

I know that things don't change right away , but I am just so tired of trying to fight alone.  I sit here noe and ask God; What should I do?  Who else should I trust?  Please send me a sign, a person or persons to come up beside me, who is willing to walk thihs jpourney with me.  I know and have  been told by other men, that at some point in our life, we've all had questions like this.You may even be asking them right now!    I don't know the answers to those questions right now, but    I know that God will give me an answer.

We each have an inate desire to know that we're making the right choices and decisions, and headed in the right direction. But, I also know that it doesn't hurt to stop and ask for some help.  How can I really be sure of what is "Right" and which is the right direction to go?  How can I know when God is truly speaking to me?  Will I truly eveb know what God's voice will sound like?  The thing is I know that hearing from God doesn't have to be that complicated.  But, sometimes you just need too pack some things up, out them in the truck and go some place away from all the clmaor and chaos, and noise that is blocking you from hearing what God is trying to get you to hear.  For me I think, because I always feel so much at peace when I am up in the mountains, that when I can get myself and my stuff in a secure place to live with with someone I can truly trust or God provides the the resources that I need to get a place of my own; then I can pack whatever I need for a few weeks or a month, and rent a cabin somewhere up in the mountains and just spend time listenign praying in whatever fahion that may be, (hikinf, fishinf, sitting on the porch or in front of a fire doing nothing but enjoying God's presence.

I Don't Know Where This Next Season In My Life Is Going To Take Me, But, I do Know That If I Don't Do Anything Then I Will Go Nowhere!            

Don't Fear New Adventures From New Doors Being Opened:

Psalm 37:23-24; "The steps of a man are established by the Lord, and He delights in his way.  When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong.  Because the Lord is the One Who holds is hand."

If God didn't shut any doors, then how can we know which ones to go through and which ones not to try to to walk through?  I have been challenged with this very question several times throughout my life.  Whatever we are going through a hard season trying to figure out if there will ever be any new doorsopen that will bring us joy again.  e usually think of God guiding our path by opening doors for us, but in reality, He also shuts doors that could lead us into danger or harm.  Sometimes God also allows roadblocks to be placed in our path, but we can always trust God to order and establish our steps to guide us down that path. 

If you're ging through a season of obstacles, setbacks and closed doors, remember that both your steps and your steps are ordered by God.  Whether He opens or closes doors, God delights in leading us down the paths that he has marked out just for us.  When God closes a door, we can trust that He does is out of His Great Love for us.  he ahas a better plan than we could ever imagine.  We can also be sure that God will open another door for us that will lead to blessings that will be overflowing more than we could dream of, and He is preparing each of us for whatever lies ahead.  While we wait on Him to act, we should remember His Faithfulness in the past.  Take heart and remeber God delights in your ways, even when obstacles cause you to stumble, He will hold your hand and steady your heart.

Pray this Prayer:

Heavenly Father, even when I don't understand what You are doing in my life, I praise Your Faithfulness and Power.  Whenever I feel disappointed, help me to remember Your Staedfast Love.  Help me Father Gpd, to trust that You are ordering my steps according to Your Perfect Plan and Timing for my life.  Lord Jesus, HOu are my Faithful Shepherd; give me the grce that I need to trust You Leading.  Thank YOu for the doors that You open and for the doors that You have closed to protect me from harm.  Comfort and Strengthen my heart today.  Whenever dicouragement and doubt come, help em to believe that You have good plans to bring Great Blessings into my life.  Enable me to take courage as I wait on You to act in response to my prayers, in Your good and perfect timing.  Lord Jesus, take me by my hand and lead me down the path that You have chosen for me.  Show me when it is time to wait and when it is time to move ahead.  Thank You for Your faithful and staedfast love,  Help me to rest in it today.   

In Jesus' Powerful and Awesome Name I pray, Amen.

God Opens Dorrs and Closes Doors:

As you walk through this life a s a follower of Jesus and His Ways, you will find that God opens many doors and closes many doors as well.  Life si full of changes, some good and some not so good or comfortable, or even easy to accept, or even easy to understand.  Navigating the charges that life brngs our  way can be scary at times.  I love reading and listening to Psalms.  Because it shows me that God is always there whenever I cry out to Him, He delights in every detail of my life.  The Psalms offer great Comfort and Encouragement when things don't quite seem to be going right.  They assure me that I don't always have to know what my next step or move in life isgoing to be. 

We can rest in the knowledge that God knows what is best for us.  He will direct us as He sees fit.  As our situations change, if we will allow Him to, God will direct our steps, He will not force it, not He will allow you to amke a choice to follow Him.   He will lead us down the paths that are the best for us.  To follow the direction and leading of God, we have to be able to recognize which doors God has opened for us.  We must also  be able to recognize which doors God has closed. 

Some Changes we experience are due to the fact that doors open and doors close.  God has opened and closed many doors in my life, those doors have involved many areas of my life.  Starting with High School, there were doors that were opened and then closed because I didn't have the 'Faith' to walk through them.  The same thing happened with my career in the Military, as well as my career after getting out of the Air Force; doors to relationships and advancement in Sports Medicine and Professional Fitness Training were opened and then later closed, and doors were opened and then closed in in ministryas well, because I just didn;t have enough faith to walk through the door or just didn't trust the people involved.

There are undoubtedly many other types of doors God can and does open.  Just as certainly as God opens doors, He can also close those dorrs.  One of the keys to a successful and  fulfilling life is being able to distinguish between and recognize which doors God has opened and which doors He might close.  The truth is; God opens doors that no one can shut and closes doors that no one should try yo open, especially if they can cause you harm.

I wonder how many of us including myself, have spent wasted years trying to open doors that God has already shut!  Attempting to open a door that God has already close, is usually futile.  It will only lead to frustration, discouragement and  disappointment.  As God's Word tells us in (Revelation 3:7-8); "And to the angel of the church of Philadelphia write: 'the words of the Holy One, the True One, Who has the key of David, who opens and no one will shut, who shuts and no one opens.  I know your works.  Behold, I have set before an open door, which no one is able to shut....."  If God shuts or opens a door, there is nothing that we or anyone else can ever do to open or shuts that door.  I also wonder how many of us have missed or neglected doors that God had opened over the years, that we did not walk through!  Those doors that had the potential to change our lives for the better.

Now the Truth of this Post, that I really wasnt you to notice and take away with you is: "WHAT DOORS GOD OPENS--NO ONE CAN SHUT!"  This indicates that God does at times open doors that were Previously Shut.  We are also told in scripture, that, "WHAT HE CLOSES -- NO ONE CAN OPEN!"  This makes it clear that God also closes doors that were previously open! 

DON'T WASTE TIME TRYING TO PRY A DOOR OPEN THAT GOD HAS ALREADY SHUT TIGHT!                               

When God made me, He didn't leave out anything or ask anyone how He should make me, or what characteristics I should have or be allowed to show, or even how I should express myself about how I feel about things.  He made me just the way I am; and God said that I was "Wonderfully and Fearfully Made", so why should I I care about what other people say about me who I am, when they have never taken the time to truly know me?  For nost of my childhood everyone tried to tell me how I should act, who's character and inage I should to duplicate, and who's standards I should try to liv up to.  Sometimes my biggest mistakes were following the wrong advice, and comparing myself to someone else, someone that I thought truly had integrity and was so Honest and Trustworthy.  And that person turned out to be the wrong person to ever trust or even want to be like.  But, at the same time, we should never stop caring to the point that our egos take control and we become close-minded tit eh constructive viewpoint of those that we do trust. 

I learned over the years that, comparing ourselves to others, leads to discontent and contempt.  God says that He hs a unique purpose and plan for my life and Hr created me with every talent and gift that I will need to fulfill it, and I don't need the approval of anyone to be me.  I just stopped tryiing to be what God did not create me to be. Not identifying myself with what I am not gifted to do or be, isn't (Low Self Esteem).  It's simply the truth--and a most freeing one at that!  Going to college while in the Air Force, attending all my Business Classes, all my Certifications in Fitness, Sports Medicne, and in the Medical Field, never made me a Great Fitness Trainer.  It's not that I was wasting my time or anything, God had already given me the talents and gifts to be what He had planned for me to do and what I had the desire to do in my life.  But, that still did not define who I am!

My Frustrations came from me trying to do things that God hadn't asked or equipped me to do on my own strength.  Oh, don't get me wrong, indeed I truly cherished the same "Exaggerated Opinion of Myself" that the Apostle Paul warned us of in Romans.  Why else would I think or even believe that I could do absolutely everything and do it better than anyone else?  Espcially since that's how everyone around me discribed me.  That is nothing less than "PRIDE" plaiin and simple!  Yeah, I was trying to be me, but I was listening to what everyone else around me was saying about how great a Trainer I was.  There's nothing wrong in believing in yourself and that youare good at something and better than most people at what you do, but don't forget how you really got where you are and Who gave you the talents and gifts to do it.  I don't I don't have all the answers, but here are some pointers to just be yourself and let God show people who you truly are!

• AcceptYourself for Who God Says You Are First: If you don't accept who God says that you are; it's going to be very hard for you to feel accepted by others.  A lack of self-acceptance also means that you are more likely to search for the acceptance of others, leading you to start caring far too much about what they think about you.  When you start to struggle with who you are, you can also start believing that you are more than you truly are, just because someone else says that you are.  We've all heard the sayiing: "When you don't stand for anything that someone says is true, then you will fall for everything", that same sentiment applies here.
• Practice Some Non-Attachment: The more we seek the approval and admiration from others, or find ourselves getting overly elated whenever someone praises us, instead seeking the praises of God---the Only One that Matters, (Our Heavenly Father).  The more we seek to please others and the approval just to puff our own egos, the more Self-Serving we become, and trust me on this;  I know, because I fell into that trap myself as a Professional Fitness Trainer.To help find some balance with all of this, I found that practicing Non-Attachment can really help.  Even if it means separating yourself from what you think that you are so great at, because everyone else has told you that you are so great and your ego has become so inflated that you can't see the "REAL YOU" any more.  Non-Attachment really means that we take Responsibilty fro our own Well-being and who God says that we are, rather than getting swept up in or entangled in the inflater words or actions of others.  Learnig to do this takes a lot of practice, but in the long run, focusing on who God says that you are, is better than what everyone says or thinks you are.
• Handling Constructive Criticism: If you are breathing, chances are you are eventually going to run into criticism from someone.  When we are met with a critical opinion or remarks from someone, whether they know you or not; they will try to inject their opinion of how you should be living.  If they don't know you, then the first thing we tend to do is to fire right back at them, and we may even do that with people that we do know, and not really realize we are doing it.  Here are some steps that I am still finding that I may need to employ daily for myself and they can help you:                   
• (I.)  Check-In with yourself and with God; Is there is any truth to what has been said?  If so, then how should I respond? 
• (II.)  See if you can take anything constructive from what was said or just ignore it.
• (III.)  If it's needed and what was said if it was in a Godly manner, was true, then take responsibility acknowledge where you could have done better, and maybe talk it over with that person.  If not, then it's best to just give it to God, and ignore it all together.  Don't give the situation any more of your energy and joy.
• (IV.)  Whether it true or not, and the person who just wants to find fault with everything you do,then just walk away and let it go. 
• I can tell you; this is sometimes easier said than done, but it's a good bluepring for figuring out how to handle criticism and negative feedback from others. Remember, that we really have no control over what other people think or say about us, but we do have control over how we choose to respond.
• It's Okay To Admit That You Care About What Was Said: No Matter how tough we are or how tough we thing we are, the negative and hateful opinions of others cannot only hurt us, but can entangle us in anxiety, anger, bitterness and sometimes even victimhood.  When this happens, we may find ourselves obssessing and feeling guilty for caring too much, or checking out and pretending like we don't care at all.  Neither state of mind is going to help us.  Instead, it's only going to build walls around our hearts or send us into over-drive with anxiety and frustration.  When this happens, we need to own how we feel and own the fact that we care, even if it makes us feel guilty, shameful, or silly.  Once you have gotten clear with how you are feeling, allow yourself to sit in each emotion one by one.  Feel the anger, feel the hurt, feel the unfairness, allow your emotions to course through your body, allow yourself to fully embrace it as being normal, because God gave us emotions and Jesus felt everyone of them; breathe through it until you can feel the emotion no more!  This practice of leaning into your emotions can be therapeutic.  In some cases, when you allow the emotions to come, rather than blocking them, they may only last for a few seconds or a few minutes and then dissipate for good.  If you're like me, you might repeat this exercise a few times and use it in cinjunction eith calling on one of yoru Closest--Trusted and Loyal Friends and get them to pray with you to asl God to help you to just take it to Him and leave it in His hands, then walk away from it, as well as journaling what you are going through.  But, there is one thing tthat is true, and that's how good it can feel and how much power is taken away from these emotions when you just allow yourself to feel them and then walk through them!
• They Are More About the People Who Made Them: You know that it's natural to feel triggered by what people say or think about you, but at the end of the day, it's not, it's really not our baggage to carry.  When someone is overly judgmental towards you or thinking that they have any right or authority to judge you by their standards, or goes out of their way to say things to hurt you, it's usually because they are actually judgmental and angry about themselves, or maybe someone else has dome the very same thing to them and they think that they can feel justified by dumping all over you.
• If you can remember this, it allows you to recognize and to see that when someone lashes out at you , criticizes you harshly  or is super judgmental , it's more about them and their own struggles, not yours.  So if all you can do is walk away, then just do that [WALK AWAY FROM THEIR DRAMA] and give it all over to God, and let the Holy Spirit deal with them.

"WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU, IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS OR PROBLEM.  IF YOU START TO MAKE IT YOUR BUSINESS AND PROBLEM---THEN YOU WILL OFFENDED FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE."  ---DEEPAK CHOPRA---                       

In 2002, I started reading a book by John Eldregde; called "Wild At  Heart", I also started writing ini the Journal that came with it as a Christmas gift.  I went through the entire book and most of the jouornal, that was 26-years ago, and I was 43-years old then, I didn't give it much thought then, but when I came back home to Colorado in October 2014, from eight years with Professional Fitness Training and Sports Medicine in Florida.  I read the book again and went back through my journal again to see if anything had changed in my heart as far as Adventure was concerned.  Now it's more than 9-1/2 years later and a ot has happened. 

I'm now 65, and and I have read several more book by John Eldredge, been through several Small Groups at church with "Wild at Heart", the first two times I went through Wild at Heart alone; I really needed to go through this with other men that have been struggling with their true identity as a man "Good Enough".  I want to share the 'Introduction; from the "Wild At Heart Study Guide", In it John Eldregde says this; "The way a man's life unfolds nowadays tends to drive his heart into remote regions of the soul.  The business world -- where the majority of American Men live and die--requires a man to be effecient and punctual.  Corporate Policies and Proceedures are designed with one aim: to harness a man to the plow and make him produce.  But, the soul refuses to be harnessed; it longs for passion, for freedom, for Life. 

As D.H. Lawrence said, "I am not a mechanism."  A man needs to feel the rhythms of the earth; he needs to have in hand something real--the tiller of the boat, a set of reins, the roughness of a rope, or simply a shovel.  Can a man live all his days to keep his fingernails clean and trimmed?  Is that what a boy dreams of?  He goes on further to say; "Society at Large" can't make up its mind about men.  Having spent the last thirty years redefining masculinity into something more sensitive, safe, manageable and well, (Feminine).  It now berates men for not being men.  Boys will be boys, they sigh.  As though, if a man were not truly grown up he would forsake wilderness and wanderlust and settle down,be at home forever in Aunt Polly's Parlor.  "Where are all the Real men?" Is regular fare for talk Shows and New Books.  "You asked them to be women, I want to say."  The result is a gender confusion never experienced at such a wide level in the history of the world.

'How can a man know he is one when his highest aim is minding his manners?  Walk into most churches today in America, have a look around, and ask yourself this question: What Is A Christian Man?  Don't listen to what is said; look at what you find there.  There is no doubt about it; you would have to admit a Christian Man is.....bored."  John shares this; "At a recent church retreat I wa talking with a guy in his fifties, listening really, about his own journey as a man."   "I've pretty much tried for the past twenty-years to be a good man as the church defines it.  Intrigued, I asked him to say what he thought that was.  He paused for a long moment "Dituful", he said.  And separated from his heart.  A perfect description, I thought,  Sadly right on the mark."

As Robert Bly lamented in Iron John; "Some woman want a passive man, if they want a man at all; the church wants a tamed man--they are called Priests; the university wants a domesticated man--they called Tenure-Track People; the corporation wnats a sanitized, hairless, shallow man.  It all comes together as a sort of westward expansion against the masculine soul.  And thus the heart of a man is driven into the high country, onto remote places, like a wounded animal looking for cover.  Women know this, ament that they have no access to their man's heart.  Men know it too, but are often unable to explain why their heart is missing.  They know their heart is on the run, but they often do not know where to pick up the trail."  "But God made the masculine heart, set it within every man, and thereby offers him an inivation: come, and live out waht I meant you to be.  God meant something when He meant man, and if we are to ever find ourselves we must find that.  What has He set in the masculine heart?  Instead of asking what to asking what you think you ought to dod to become a better man, I want to ask; What makes you come alive?   What stirs your heart?" 

John Eldredge further said; in the "Wild At Heart Study Guide"'  "There are three desires I find written so deeply into my heart I know now I can no longer disregard them without losing my soul.  They are core to who and what I am and yearn to be.  I gaze into my boyhood, I search the pages of scripture and Literature, I listen carefully to many men, and I am convinced these desires are universal, a clue into masculinity itself.  They may be misplaced, forgotten, or misdirected, but in the heart of every man, isa desperate desire for battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to love."

Today, I am still very much involved in Wild At Heart Ministries with John & Stasi Eldredge, and  have been diving deep into some of John's other books [Resilient; Get Your Life Back; Waking The dead; Moving Mountains and Walking with God].  Aa well as listening to Podscasts and Pause Sessions and even at the age of 65, I am finding out more and more about how much of my own masculinity has been put on the shelf of heart instead of living out, I mean really "Living Out My Desire for Raw Adventure." 

As I looked in my journal again, I read these questions again that John was asking us.  What If?  What if those deep desires in our hearts are telling us the truth, revealing to us the life we were meant to live? 

God gave us eyes to see so that we might see what He has given us for the adventures of our lives.  He gave us a Will that we might choose adventure, and He gave us hearts so that we might live Courageously and Boldly!

Lately, I have felt like my hearts desires are just words written on a page in my journal or something I blog about on my website.  and I may never get to live out my dreams while I can still physically get out and enjoy my great adventures.   I mean, I really love hiking and camping and fishing, but I still want more.  This issue with my COPD has really kept me from enjoying doing any of these things lately, and feel like I have died a little bit week and month that goes by.  And to tell the truth; there are times when I just feel like God just doesn't care what happens to me down here.  He says in HIs word that we are to supposed to, nor were we designed to walk through this life alone, especially as Christ Followers.  But, I have been walking through this past four years alone, so-called friends, neighbors who I thought were friends, men at church have turned their backs on me like I am the "Plague" or something.  And the worst thing is my daughter (spitting in my face) and the idiot Marine that she married, acts like it's okay for her to treat her family like trash, and makes me wonder if he treats his family; like they jusy don't matter, because he's in the Marine Corp.  I have not even been aloud to see my grandchildren, and God has done nothing to intervene and no one else in my family has done anything, so now you see why I feel at times that God really doesn't care about my life at all and I am on my own. 

Now I know that's not true, and deep in my heart I know that God's does care, but still at times I still feel like He is dangling a carrot out in front of me, just to see what I will do or how I will react.  Like He gave me all these talents, and desires, and dreams, but won't allow me to prosper with them or surround myself with True--Strong--Loyal "Iron Sharpening Iron" Friends, and the closer I get to accomplishing anything, the farther away that Close---Inner-Circle seems to get.    

With this in my mind, and Summer quickly coming around the corner, my heart for adventure is burning hotter than ever to get out and do whatever I can to get out of the Life-Draining Place that I am living in and jump in with both feet to a New "WILD at HEART" Adventure.  Find a place where there are Veterans like me that have no one to really call family, to build a new Family.  I will continue ro persue my goals and dreams with Stepping Stones & Mountain Tones Wliderness Adventure Ministies,and find a Camp Ground to buy and Convert it into Hawk's Haven Base Camp, for the Outbound Wilderness Adventures and Men's Summit's and Gatherings: 

For the past few years I have been attempting to rebuld the kind of Close Inner-Circle of Strong--Trusted--Loyal & "Iron Sharpening Iron" Friends like I had in the military.  But, it's been really hard.  I thought that I had that with my career in as a Professional Fitness Trainer and Sports Medicine, as well as with my church.  But, some of those people that I thought were trustworthy and loyal friends, betrayed me and my trust.

There are certain things, traits, and characteristics tat I look for and expect from those that I allow into my inner-circle of close friends.  I mean the kind of friends that will be there for one another No Matter What!  Those Traits and Characteristics are; [Total Honesty, Loyalty to everyone in the circle, Strong Conviction and Fortitude Rooted in Jesus, Integrity, Trustwothyness, Self & Christ-Centered Disciline, Muturity, Discernment, Wisdom, HUmility, Love and Compassion.

One thing I have learn over the past 3-1/2 decades since leaving the military is that navigating the world today as a man can feel like a challenging endeavor.   You can't always trust that those who claim to be true Christ Followers, are truly living and walking what they talk.  My church thinks that they have the right to impose their guidelines of how, where and when you serve, and it doesn't matter what your obligations to your family is, or where God is directing to serve.  And that you are supposed to follow their pressure to succeed, provide them with all your energy and efforts, be strong for them, but also be sensitive, understanding and endlessly availably for whatever they want.  But when you ask for help, they act as if you were being disrespectful, and self-centered.  I know this all too well, because when I needed help in finding another place to live because of my housemate, and my Campus Pastor and few of the men that I thought were trusted brothers in my Small Group Betrayed me.  So, I just withdrew from even truly trusting the people in my own church.

For me the Characteristics of a True--Loyal--Honest Godly Man are Rooted Deep in something that is Timeless and should be an Unshakeable faith in God.  The way I look at it in God's Word is that godly men strive for Spiritual Growthby seeking Wisdom and Strength from a higher power, allowing that connection to guide our actions and shape our hearts.  It's about examining the Core Characteristics of a godly man, taking cues from God's Word, and translating those Principles into tangable actions in the modern world. 

One of the biggest things that I look hard at with those who I allow to be a part of my Close Inner-Circle; "Integrity"; you need to and must "WALK WHAT YOU TALK", because with the gift of descernment that God has given me, I can tell a fake and a liar a mile away.  

Have you ever noticed how some people's words don't match their words?  That's Not the Way of a Truly godly man, who is genuinely chasing after God's Own Heart.  Integrity in that Kind of Man isn't some lofty ideal, it's the 'Bedrock & Solid Cornerstone'  of his life -- his word is his bond.  That kind of man loves God with all his heart and seeks to embody God's Word in his own life.

Integrity is a defining atribute of a Truly godly man---the ubwavering commitment to livign in alignment with his values, and his words reflecting in his actions.  It's about transparency and being true to God and yourself, even when nobody is watching.  This genuineness emenates outwards influencing interactions with others and fostering trust.  A True man of Integrity---doesn't compartmentalized his faith.  It's interwoven throughout every aspect of his being, his family life, his community, his work life, and his personal life. When all members of a Close Inner-Circle of Loyal Friends Stand--Live and Walk in Integrity, of their Faith and their Faithfulness to every member of the circle, then that Circle will be impossible to break because Christ is the Center of that Cicle.  And just like when Jesus chose the twelve that He knew would be His trusted Inner-Circle, no one could get too close to Him without going through them first.  They were there for one another no matter what!

"After 21-Days of Rewriting your Thoughts, you have wiped out the toxic thought and replaced them with positive, productive thought.  Here's how we change our lives."  ---Dr. Caroline Leaf--- 

(Matthew 4:1-11);  tells about devil tempting Jesus when He was in the wilderness for 40-days.  During that time , Jesus went without food.  The devil knew that He was weak, and he tempted Jesus to turn from God.  With each attack from the devil, Jesus responded with the Word of God.  Even though He went without physical sustenance for 40-days, He survived and thrived spiritually.  

Because Jesus spent time with His Heavenly Father, He knew the Truth.  He was prepared for this temptation.  

We can't live in freedom if we constantly allow our toxic thoughts to monopolize our way of thinking.  The best way to battle them, is by applying Scripture, because that will Strengthen us in our battle.

We must gear up ahead of time and not try to do this once wee're are already in the battle.  Soldiers don't look for their weapons when the bullets are flying.  They are already prepared ahead of time and at all times.

So, let's prepare ourselves by putting our minds to the test and choosing to capture toxic thoughts instead of entertaining them.  

And once we do that, we end that lie that has held us hostage by declaring God's truth.   This is how we live free of toxic thoughts.

BUt it is also true taht if we will fix our thoughts on Jesus and live our lives to honor Him, the need for having to test and capture our thoughts will decrease.  The Author of the Message paraphrase; encourages us at the end of (Philippians 4:8) to fill our minds with  "the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse."  We must continually be be filling our minds with things that bring life.  We must look for the good.  Because when we do, we will find it!

On day-3, you listed recurring toxic thoughts that you needed to take captive and hopefully, you found a verse to combat those thoughts.  Continue to do this for 21-Days.  Note the victory that you've found after this.  Make this practice  part of your day -- every day until these toxic thoughts no longer overpowers you.

Now, list any other toxic thoughts that you have and find a verse to combat that lie as well.  Follow the same plan s you did for the first lie, and continue this practice over every toxic thought that attempts to rule over you.              

"When we fill our thoughts with the right things, the wrong ones have no room to enter."  ---Joyce Meyer---

Testing our thoughts and learning to take them Captive is a huge part of the Mental Battle we have with our thoughts.  So, when we an learn to do that as a regular practice, we will gain control over our thoughts.  But what if we chose to be more Proactive with our thoughts in order to prevent reacting later on?  Of course,  there will still be thoughts that have to be tested and taken captive.  Simply because we know that we are not perfect by any means.  We can however, choose to follow through with Paul's exhortation in (Colossians 3:2) which says; "Set your mind on things above , not on earthly things."

In setting our minds on the "Things Above" we will have less thoughts that need testing and being taken captive.  When we set our minds towards the Mind of Christ, we are striving for something  much better than the world could ever give us, and we are directing our minds toward a certain thing that only God can give us.  (Colossians 3:2) says that we shouldn't set our minds on earthly things.  Those "earthly things" usually distract us and cause our thoughts to keep us from God's best for us.  

There are plenty of things that we see every day that are out of our control.  But, much of what we see can be prevented.  What we put in front of our eyes really is a big deal.  If you feel that you have too many Toxic Thoughts running through your mind, ask yourself, (What is it that could be causing them in the first place)?

Could it be on TV, on Social Media, or the News?  It's wise to analyze the things that we are viewing daily and ask God to show us through the Holy Spirit, what would be a good thing to decrease or just eliminate altogether.

Much like we need to watch what we put in front of eyes, we also need to consider what is going into our ears.  What we hear affects our thoughts just as much as what we see.  Take an inventory of the types of books, music, podcasts, movies, TV shows, and magazines that may possibly cause toxic thoughts in your mind.  Are there tings that you need to include, (not just to remove), that will build you up and help to create healthy thoughts instead?

Instead of focusing on and setting our sights on things that could cause toxic thoughts, let's try being "Proactively Mindful" of what we choose to put in front of us.  When we choose things that Honor God and keep us pure in heart, we will have less thoughts to test and take captive.

Here's a few things to Reflect on:

What tends to be your struggle?  What you watch, read or what you listen to?

List the biggest thing that you need to eliminate from what you normally watch or listen to.  

Chances are that you already know what that is.

Give it up for 21-days and then see what a difference you see in your thought life.       

Taking our thoughts captive means, controlling them instead of letting them control you,  ---Pricilla Shirer---

We were created in the image of God, and we are HIs Masterpieces.  What would our lives be like if we lived like we believed that truth?

The biggest reason we don't is because we have let toxic thoughts  run rampant in our minds.  We can't let them dictate our lives---we must choose to Capture Our Thoughts.  We need to daily ask the Holy Spirit to take captive our thoughts.  Taking our thought captive will be one of the toughest battles we engage in.  It's so much easier to just entertain the toxic thoughts.  The effort comes when we engage in the battle.  Even if we entertain the thought, we can still take it captive.  It truly is better to do  it late than never. 

When the Bible says to take our thoughts captive, that means, that we have the power to do something about it.  As Christians, the same power that raised Jesus from the dead, lives in us.  With the Holy Spirit's help, we can manage our thoughts.

Here's an example: Let's say there's someone in your life  you need to forgive.  Every day, you remember what they did to you.  

You can't seem to let it go or heal from it.   You might start to have thoughts like, "I don't really need to forgive this person" or "What they did to me is unforgivable and they have never shown any remorse or apologized for anything."  These are some very toxic thoughts that you  (we) must take captive and recognize that it is causing you so much inner-turmoil.  Then, choose truth from God's Word.  You might even pray, "Father God, I'm choosing to push this thought aside instead of entertaining it.  I know you have forgiven me of so much in my life.  Help me to extend the same forgiveness to this person."  And then you do it again and again, until it takes!

You'll know that the healing is occurring when you look back on the situation and the sting of pain isn't as something that happened to you---(past tense)---not something that is happening to you now ---(present tense).

Here's Why It's Important That We STOP Those Thoughts 

Dead In Their Tracks: 

Because they go against God's best for you and prevents us from living a joy-filled life.

In order to spend our Mental Energy on things that build up instead of tearing down.

So they won't control our minds, which in turn, control our actions.

Every day is a New day.  We get a New Set of hours to live the life that will bring glory to God and Joy to our Souls.  We just have to recognize that, and wake up with a newfound determination to be the boss of our thoughts, not the other way around

Here's Some Things to Reflect On:

What is or are recurring, toxic thoughts that you need to start taking captive today?  Call them what they are---A LIE!  

Find a verse that will blast that lie.  When you think that thought or those thoughts, capture it and speak the verse aloud.  Do this as often as you need to.

Here are 6-Ways to take your thoughts captive: 

 Accept Responsibility for your thoughts:  You have the ability to exercise control over your thoughts.  God warned Cain to focus his mind on the right things, but Cain chose to think about the wrong things -- anger and jealousy -- which led to his murderous actions.  Are you willing to Admit that you can, with God's help, regain control of your thoughts -- and think enabling thoughts instead of disabling ones.

Your Mind -- Not just your Behavior -- Must Change:  God calls us to change sinful behavior that does not honor Him.  Instead of focusing on your outward behavior, work on disciplining your mind -- from which the behaviors stem.  Allow God to transform you by the Renewing of your Mind.  (Romans 122:2)

Think Through your Problems Rather Than just Reacting to them:  When you experience difficult challenges, you can react tol them and think yourself into despair every time.  Or you can look forward to the next opportunity and ask yourself what you learned from this failure.  Is your first thought "I will never do anything right?"   You don't have to get trapped by disabling thoughts.  You are capable of getting out of your shame, despair, hopelessness, and anger -- by taking control of your thoughts.

Take Your Disabling Thoughts Captive Through Confession:  Paul urges us to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (Roman 12:21).  Confront your disabling thoughts.  Turn them over to God and become who He sees you as and who you can be.  It will take work to take your thoughts captive each they pop into your mind.  But it is possible with the help of the Holy Spirit.

Choose to Focus Your Thoughts on the Right Things:  We are to think about those things that are "True, Noble, Right, Pure, Lovely, and Admirable." (Philippians 4:8).  When we think about those things, God promises to give us His peace.  What a contrast that is to the thoughts of millions of people today.  Don't look to a movie, TV show, or a How-To Formula to accomplish this for you.  It takes personal discipline and commitment.

It Is Possible:  It's not  easy to retain your thoughts or to respond in new Christ-Like Ways.  Take Heart: as God empowers you to focus your mind on the right things, it will become easier.  You can develop a New  Frame of Reference, based on what is "true, noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy.

It is possible to live a life aware of our thoughts and taking them captive!  God gave us the Holy Spirit to empower us.  Start following these steps today to gain power over your mind and thoughts.           

The Thoughts you keep in a loop --- determine the direction of your life."  ----Pastor Steven Furtick----

We have a lot of thoughts running through our minds every day.  

In fact, many experts believe that we think somewhere between 60,000 and 80,000 thoughts per day.  That averages out to be about 2,500---3,300 thoughts per hours each day.  That's Pretty Remarkable, isn't it?

It would be great if our thoughts were all good thoughts.  But the truth is that many of them are negative and sometimes toxic.  The good news is that we have a guide to help us test our thoughts.

And that Guide is the Holy Spirit of God Himself!

Philippians 4:8 is a Great Test as to whether we should think about something or not.  The verse tells us "to think about things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and worthy of praise."  Consider each word listed below:

TRUE:

One of the most important things to consider about our thoughts is, "Are they True?"   Too often our thoughts are just not true.  We need to focus on what is authentic, real, and lines up with God's Word.

NOBLE:

Because we are children of God, we're in the highest of the ranks!  Our thoughts should be royal and regal.  Not in an arrogant way but, in not allowing ourselves to think in an unkind or repulsive manner.

RIGHT:

So many people want to be right--to be the one who is never wrong, but often , we don't allow that desire for being right to permeate our thoughts.  Thinking Right Thoughts means -- allowing accuracy and appropriateness to guide us.

PURE:

To be pure in heart and thought, is not as difficult as it seems.  

It's simply choosing to think on ethical, good, upright, and honest things. 

LOVELY:

This is a word that isn't used much in this day and age, and it should be.  To think lovely thoughts means to see the beauty and stunning in life and allow our minds to think upon those things.  

ADMIRABLE:

To be admired is something most people want.  But do we want admirable thoughts?  Thoughts that are credible and distinguished and allow us to liev in such a way that is commendable.

EXCELLENT:

The best of the best is what excellent is.  When our thoughts are excellent, they are superb, exceptional, and fabulous.  Excellent thoughts lead us to live excellent lives.

WORTHY OF PRAISE:

What thoughts are worthy of praise?  Thoughts about God, His Ways, His Plans, and His Creation, to name a few.  It's safe to say that when our thoughts are on Him, that's a good thing.

We can test our thoughts every day.  As we do this, eventually we won't have to test many of our thoughts because we will already know if they meet upto the standards listed in Philippians 4:8.

We will never be able to adjust every negative thought that approaches our awareness, but we can certainly try to free our minds from toxic thinking....One thought at a time.

2 Peter 5:7 says; "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."

Now, that is a tall order, for most of us in this world today!

Honestly, fro the past seven months, I have in more ways than one been obsessing over and overthinking something that someone I really trusted did to betray my trust.  I have been asking myself, 

and asking God, "Why did I let myself be sucked in like that, and God, why  did You let them get away with betraying me like that?  

And then, obsessed even more about still being in the same situation that I thought I was getting away from, and how was I ever going to get out and move on?  

Even though I have been diving deep into my Daily Devotionals 

and my Virtual Men's Groups, and everything that was brought up in our discussions started me thinking that I was really Over-thinking everything, but that I wasn't really an Obsessive person.  That lead me to just stop and take a long hard look at who I thought myself to be and who and what God says that I am, and who He sees me as.

Over this past Summer, I have learned all over again to daily 'Give Everything and Everyone to God."  I will say that it has been difficult at times and I was sometimes stuck about just how hard that really is, especially once I'm really worked up in speculation, worry, genuine concern and anxiety.

As I began to diligently put into practice the smallest measure of release, the relief has been almost immediate.  To make room for God to fill the vessel of our soul, we have to begin to move out some unnecessary clutter that continually piles up, like the junk drawer in the kitchen or out in the garage.  Our souls can accumulate unwanted and unneeded stuff too, pulling it all in like a magnet.  Like the philosopher and theologian (Augustine) said, "we  must empty ourselves of all that fills us so that we may be filled with what we are empty of."  

Over time though, I have found no better practice to help me clear out the clutter from my soul, my mind and my heart, than to practice [Benevolent Detachment], just like one of my Favorite Author's and Teachers; 'John Eldredge' has been talking about in his book 'Resilience', the ability to just let it go, and walk away, not so much physically, but emotionally and soulfully.

Each day as I start my day, I start by praying , "Father God, I give everyone and everything to You."   I have learned that I need to do this, or I will some how get tangled up in all the things try to captivate my energy and focus, and try to take my focus off of God.  

John Eldredge uses the word "Benevolent" in referring  to this necessary kind of 'Detachment' because he's not talking about 'Cynicism or Resignation'; Benevolence means, kindness, something done in love.  Jesus invites us into a way living where, we are genuinely comfortable turning things over to Him.

[Matthew 11:28-30]; "Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will you rest.  Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light."

When you close the door to Yesterday, New Possibilities and New Adventures Arise!

It's only when you close that door, that another one will open.  

But, you have to be willing to walk through that open door in order to experience what's on the other side.

Closing the door to the past keeps your energy focused in the present!

And if you choose to live by the faith that you in Jesus Christ tomorrow can be filled with so many great adventures.  Some may be easy to grasp and others may take a little more courage to jump into.  But, know this, when the door to the past is left open, because of unresolved issues, energies get confused and distorted.

I know from my own experience, it's a little too easy to hear the cries of and echoes of the past and get drawn back into its grasp.  

Be strong, and quietly close the door and allow your heart and mind be opened to the present, (the here and now), be open to the stillness of the present moment where you can hear the whisper of your soul and spirit.

If there is something or someone from your past that seems to keep holding from moving forward, then just close that door, it's behind you, just walk away, and let it go.  You can close the door on it!

If it or they were meant to be in your present, then it or they would be standing right in front of you or walking right beside you.  And if it is meant to be part of your future, then the Holy Spirit will let it come and find you when the time is right.

Close the door on the past, so that you can get a clear view of your present.  If anything or anyone from your past is meant to come back to you, then it will come knocking, once it has healed itself.  Until then, just close the door on it ---- get still with yourself and look for the New  Door Opening that's been waiting for you all along.    

This is the time of year when we all tend to think about the year behind us, we might even get a little excited about the potential of the year to come.  It's also a very emotional time for some of us, when we may find sadness, loneliness, overwhelmed or even frustration creeping in.  And it's certainly a time of the year that stir up a lot of thoughts and emotions for all of us.  

I honestly believe that we should feel comfortable to feel every bit of it though.  I mean, don't shy away from the opportunity to do a life review, and reflect on things, good or bad, and to recalibrate if needed.  I also think it's natural and normal, and okay to have those times of great sadness, and allow yourself to feel it, and really cry it out if that what it takes.  I don't really think that there is no one out there that doesn't have regrets about something in their life, loss, or heartbreak, in some way.  Let those feelings flow, but don't get stuck there, use them to also help you to move forward. 

Take the time to reflect on your journey through the past year, to help you to move things into the positive, I would even encourage you to go back and look at how far you have come.      

I think that Reflection and Letting Go is what this time of the year can be all about for most of us.  I mean, it's okay to look back at the old, the regrets, the bad things that happened -- look for the lessons in all of it.  Look at how you have changed, look for how you can see things more clearly now.  Hopefully, you are stronger, wiser, and more firmly grounded on your path to joy.  Realize that you can heal all of that for yourself emotionally and move forward in a stronger and happier way.

As we begin this coming New Year in just a few days, how can we grow in our relationship with God?  I really believe that we can grow in our relationship with God by surrounding ourselves with those people who have always been there "no matter what -- no matter when and no matter where" , those people who encourage one another, pray with and for one another, those True -- "Iron Sharpening Iron" Friends.

I truly believe that true Christ Follower's can help you to strengthen your relationship with God, in such a way that even when you look back on the things didn't quite turn out the way that you thought or hoped that they would or should, you will be able to see them as they should be, lessons that you have learned along the way.  

Looking forward to the to a New Year you can all help one another face each new day and every new adventure while strengthening  your Relationship with God.  

I am by no means saying that it will be easier to enter into a New Year, not knowing what can happen down the road, but I am saying that we do not have to fear the future of a new year that is ahead of us.  Let's face it, we all have probably done some things that we wish we could do over.  As we enter into a New Year and review all that has happened whether good or bad, successful or failure, let it be a time of learning.  Look back at your mistakes, but don't dwell on them.  Repent if you must and pray for grace too mmove forward without repeating the errors of yesterday. 

My Prayer for you all, as well as myself, as we welcome a New Year!

Lord God,  Abba-Father, Lord, Holy Spirit:

It is so hard to pick up the pieces and keep moving  forward.  Help us all to see that Your Plan is still in effect.  Give us faith to know that regardless of what this past year has looked like, we can start over.  Help us not to run with my head or heart looking backwards.  Help us to run forward into the plan and purpose that You have set before us.

Lord, help us to fix our eyes on You.  There are so many distracting voices that clamor for our attention.  Help us to shut those out, and to focus on Your voice alone, encouraging one another to make time with You a priority in our lives.

In Jesus' Mighty Name, Amen.    

"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."

-----Paul Boese-----

"Without forgiveness, life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation."      -----Assagioli-----

"He that cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; For every man needs to be forgive,"  -----Author Unknown."

"The one attitude which gives rise to hope amidst misunderstanding and ill will is a forgiving spirit.  Where forgiveness becomes the atmosphere, there healing are possible."  -----V. Neil Strait-----

Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hate.  It is a power that breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness."  -----Author Unknown-----

"Love's Power does not make fussy historians.  Love prefers to tuck the loose ends of past rights and wrongs in the bosom of forgiveness and pushed it into a new start."  -----Lewis B. Smedes-----

"Not to forgive is to be imprisoned by the past, by old grievances that do not permit life to proceed with new business.  Not to forgive is to yield oneself to another's control.....To be locked into a sequence of act and response, of  outrage and revenge, "tit for tat", escalating always.  The present is endlessly overwhelmed and devoured by someone else's nightmare."

-----Lance Morrow-----

"Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemy."

-----Nelson Mandela-----

If there is a bridge in your life taht you need to cross today; then I urge you to sit down and ask God to show you what bridges you might have to cross to mend broken relationships, or what bridges you may need to burn down and let flow down the river.

Take a pad and pen, and write a letter to those that you may need to forgive for their betrayal of your trust and friendship, or maybe it's someone that you need to ask forgiveness for something that you did or said to destroy their trust in you, but you just don't know what to say to them, because you are afraid that they won't accept your apology, or won't acknowledge what they have done.  Or maybe you need to write that letter to yourself to help you to cross that bridge to forgive yourself for the failures that you had no control over in the first place. If there are bridges that need to be burned down that keep you connected to the past that haunts your heart and mind, then burn then burn them and run the other way, run right into the Loving Arms of Jesus; He is standing there ready to run to as you turn to run to you.    

Meeting New People

These days the idea of opening yourself up to meet new people, can lead to either rejection or acceptance, and it's a scary thing either way.

But there are times that we just think or say to ourselves "When does putting your feeling, hopes and heart on the line ever really work out?"  But while it can seem like we are protecting ourselves with that kind of reasoning, it's actually a very damaging thought process to let yourself dabble in.  I have learned over the past year that isolating myself because health concerns to protect myself is one thing, but isolating myself because some one that I trusted had betrayed me so bad, that I pushed other people away who truly wanted to help.

Rather than teaching myself that it was okay to be comfortable with human interaction even if I 'm not ready to form close relationships.  With being honest over what you hope to achieve and work towards 

as far as meeting new people, become used to the idea of sticking out your neck and trying  for something new, or you can teach yourself that these are all things to be avoided, because they might just hurt me just like the last time.

Chances are, because you didn't think it was possible for you to have them in the first place, which means that you don't think you are worthy of  having any type of happiness or true friendships, because you are so broken!  That's exactly how I felt for the past year.  

And that's a very damaging thing to tell yourself, and  completely untrue.  That's why it's important to teach yourself ways to become more vulnerable-- in a good way; in that way you simultaneously teach yourself you're worthy of love and happiness.  Accept that you are worthy; let go of who you think you are suppose to be or what you think people might think of you, and embrace who you really are.

In order to become okay with being vulnerable, and letting people in again.  The first thing you need to do is accept the fact that you are worthy to get a positive response back.  If you're opening up to someone else, believe that you are enough to warrant love and respect back from others.  If you are reaching for a goal or dream, believe you have the skills and determination to make this work.  

You can't go far if you yourself believe you don't deserve positive results.

I had to come to the point of letting some people in, but only at a  safe distance, and not letting them get too close, that way I was still protecting myself from betrayal or being hurt emotionally.  But, that really didn't work that well either, because I was still lonely and very much alone.  When you're on the edge of being vulnerable, the need to flee can be almost knee jerk, but then you'll begin to regret that avoidance tactic by the time you're down the street and out of harms way.  You can pull in the reigns on that by becoming well attuned to the way you feel right before you bolt, and train yourself little by little not to listen to your urges to get away and hide from everything and everyone.

But how do we become familiar with such a fast and intense feeling?  It's going to take some trial and error, and a list.  It can help if you start journaling the emotions that you feel from breakfast to bedtime---and write down how you acted or reacted to those emotions.  Becoming more aware of your thoughts, feelings, and attitudes,   helps to clue you into what's really going wrong.  So, the next time you missed a chance to allow yourself to be vulnerable and start to close down, write down everything that went through your mind and what you felt before, during and after.  Knowing your signals and triggers will help you to stop them the next time around. 

The Power Of Letting Yourself Be Vulnerable:

These days being vulnerable or allowing yourself to be  vulnerable can feel pretty challenging.  Vulnerability isn't weakness; not by any means.  It's allowing yourself to be open , to be yourself, to accept help when it's offered with genuine love.  It's showing the world who you really are with the understanding that not everyone will like or accept the person, but you "Show Up Any Way" regardless of what others might think.  Vulnerability is showing both your tender side and admitting that you don't have it all together.  Our Society rewards Stoicism, being unbreakable, being strong and getting by on your own with no one to depend on except yourself.  It can be really hard to let your guard down , and it doessn't matter whether you are man or woman, boy or girl, it's just hard to let people in sometimes.  Although there are some advantages to being on guard, while at the same time allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable gives you a sense of belonging.

 When you're unabashedly being yourself, you will find that you actually attract your tribe.  The people in your life will want to be there and be around you because they see the real you.  You aren't drawing in friends who are only interested in the parts you are willing to show them.  Being truly vulnerable means showing the world your authentic self, flaws and all.  This can help them feel safe being themselves as well.  As you begin to open up more, you will notice that the people around you start to feel natural.  It's easy to be vulnerable around them because they accept you for who you are.  This can lead to a real sense of belonging.  You can build community around like-minded folks.

Then there this thing called "Earned Trust"; most people can spot a fake.  If you are truly being authentic, those people around you will know.  This is especially true in situations where you are a leader or boss.  Being vulnerable shows others that you're not perfect and you know that you aren't.  And it encourages them to be open and authentic as well.  Your vulnerability lets them know they don't have to be perfect around you and that you will understand.  And they may be more willing to come to you with a problem.  All of this is because they trust you.  It's always a lot easier to trust someone who shows their flaws and who admits that they don't have all the answers.

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable can improve relationships and friendships.  Your relationships will improve when you're able to be vulnerable with the people who are important to you.  When you can share your emotions with people you care about and let them see your flaws, they are able to do the same.  You get to know one another better and will feel closer.  Demonstrating vulnerability invites you  as well as others to do the same more often, allowing for even deeper relationships to form.  When you begin to accept yourself for who you are, it can also help you accept others as they are.  You won't feel such a need to try and get others to change.  They can just be themselves.

There truly is power in letting yourself be vulnerable.  You can truly improve your relationships with people around you, and in the end, begin to accept yourself and others, even with the flaws.